We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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