She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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