Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
