I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
