I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
