Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
