I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
