cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
