i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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