i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
True strength comes from lack of pants
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
