I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
