I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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