He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
