I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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