You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
