The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
