the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
