I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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