From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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