don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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