The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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