Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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