Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
