Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
