just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
