you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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