If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
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