first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
