If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
