I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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