Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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