He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
