the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
