that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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