First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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