Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
this is an emotional support booty call
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
