Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
