u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
