After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
