I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
