You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
