You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
