I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
