well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
