only if we run a train.
done.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
