so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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