i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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