***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
