Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
