what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
